FADE IN:

EXT. PONCHO'S MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Modern day. A strip mall in Santa Barbara with a 7-11 and a liquor store. A Mexican waiter runs across the parking lot from the 7-11 to the back of the restaurant carrying a small cake.

INT. PONCHO'S mexican restaurant, KITCHEN - NIGHT

Waiter runs in, places the cake on the counter. Other WAITERS gather around. The HEAD WAITER puts a candle in the cake, lights it. They all laugh and talk among themselves. The Head Waiter picks it up and leaves the kitchen, followed by the other Waiters.

INT. PONCHO'S MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The Head Waiter and other Waiters walk to a table of five people, all in their late twenties and having a good time.

TINA could be attractive but normally looks plain, like her clothes. Underneath the fun she's having tonight, she's lonely.

KEITH wears a suit and a bad mood. His negativity is apparent even without speaking.

LUKE and ERIKA are married. Luke has strong manly features, muscular and scary, until his "puppy smile" appears. Don't mess with Luke unless you're Erika. Erika, the Amazon successful business woman, knows how to play the aggressive card and be in control, especially of Luke.

CHLOE is gorgeous, free spirited, easy and bold. She's had a lot of plastic surgery and she's not afraid to point it out.

The Head Waiter sets the cake in front of a confused Keith and the table goes quiet.

WAITERS

(singing "Happy Birthday" song)

Happy divorcio to you. Happy divorcio to you. Happy divorcio to you, panchito. Happy divorcio to you.

The five and all the Waiters clap and cheer.

KEITH

Trust me when I say this wasn't necessary.

TINA

We love you, Keith.

KEITH

Like death, taxes and shit, divorce happens. It's not Dolores's fault or mine. So don't blame her when you see her.

ERIKA

Keith, we do love you but I swear if you start getting philosophical after only two Margaritas, we'll need to start tequila shots.

MARK dressed in a suit, runs to the table, looking panicked. He is handsome and serious in a cute way, late twenties, and very organized, not a hair out of place, not a thread sticking out on his clothes.

MARK

Sorry, I'm late but I--

TINA, KEITH, LUKE, CHLOE, ERIKA

Had to work late.

All laugh. Keith goes to high-five Luke and misses his hand.

LUKE

Dude, why are you working on a Saturday?

TINA

Where's Wendy?

MARK

Uhm, it--

TINA, KEITH, LUKE, CHLOE, ERIKA

Didn't work out.

All laugh. Mark sits down, motions to a waiter.

MARK

I obviously need to catch up. Waiter, the biggest Cadillac Margarita you have, no salt, extra Cadillac.

ERIKA

So how many times did you and Wendy go out?

MARK

Three, including the blind date I couldn't make.

(looks at the cake)

I see I missed the divorce cake. Sorry. Did I miss Keith's philosophy and Tina's proclamation of love?

ERIKA

Yes but you're just in time for my husband to say something stupid and for me to get pissed.

LUKE

Yes dear.

ERIKA

See!

EXT. PONCHO'S MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The Mexican Waiter runs across the parking lot from the liquor store to the back of the restaurant caring many bottles of tequila.

INT. PONCHO'S MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Mark, Tina, Erika, Luke, Keith and Chloe still drink at their table littered with empty Margarita glasses. The restaurant employees clean up the vacant restaurant, putting chairs up, sweeping. Mark staggers as he stands and lifts his shot glass filled with tequila. Mark struggles with a lime and has salt on the back of his hand.

MARK

Okay, this time we're going to toast Dolores.

KEITH

The bitch.

MARK

No, no, no. She was our friend and we wish her happiness in her new chapter with her dog groomer.

TINA

That's sweet, Mark.

MARK

To the bitch!

Mark, Erika, Luke and Chloe laugh while Keith becomes sad and Tina looks at Mark surprised. They all lick the salt, drink the tequila and suck the lime in different sequences. Luke confusingly looks at his hands. Mark sits down, almost missing his chair.

LUKE

I forget, dude, is it tequila, lime, then salt? Not that it matters.

ERIKA

This is why I let you marry me- you're cute, strong, and dumb. Just the way I like my Labradors.

LUKE

(lovingly)

I hate you!

ERIKA

(affectionately)

I hate you too, baby.

HEAD WAITER

Excuse me senors and senoritas but we need to close up.

CHLOE

(purring to the Head Waiter)

How about one more round of taxis and could you call us tequilas?

TINA

Okay, we're all tequilas.

They all laugh, except Keith, still deep in thought. Head Waiter angrily leaves.

KEITH

I still can't believe it's over. I mean, it didn't even start. I made so many mistakes. But, but next time, next time I won't make them.

Keith pauses then stands up, raising his empty shot glass. Head Waiter comes over with more tequila shots and limes. Other restaurant employees follow. They are upset and holding brooms and mops like clubs. Keith lifts up a full shot glass, spilling it. Mark tries to catch the falling tequila with his empty glass.

KEITH

Everyone should be married twice so they can make all their mistakes the first time. You know, get them out of the way.

TINA

(raises glass)

And live hap everily afterwards.

Mark excitedly stands up and puts his arm around Keith. Employees move in closer, trying to intimidate the six.

MARK

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the love genius of Santa Barbara, California. Keith Moen, that is the greatest idea you've ever had. Wow!

The friends clap. They hear a lot of applause and look around to see all the employees standing around the table, clapping in a mock way. Luke picks up the check.

LUKE

Time to go, el dudes and la duditas.

(looking at check)

Who had the chimichanga?

Erika grabs the check.

ERIKA

Give me that. I'll pay and we can settle up when you all come over for charades Friday at seven. Or seven-thirty if you're Mark.

The six get ready to leave.

MARK

Guys, don't forget tennis tomorrow morning!

KEITH

I'll be there but I'm sure my game will suck.

LUKE

It always does. I'll be there, dude.

Erika stares at Luke, who jumps in fear.

LUKE

Maybe.

INT. TINA'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - NIGHT

Chloe and Tina walk through the front door, tired and drunk.

CHLOE

Woot! That was so much fun! I even got phone numbers from guys when I went to the little senorita room.

Tina walks in her bedroom, turns on her light.

TINA

I'm exhausted. Night.

Tina collapses on her bed. She raises her head and looks at the closet. She goes inside, digs through her things until she pulls out a shoe box. Tina sits it on the bed and opens it. She pulls out a ring case and lifts the lid to reveal a plastic ring with a folded note.

Behind Tina, Chloe appears at the doorway and quietly watches Tina read the note.

INSERT NOTE: "Love you forever, maybe even beyond high school graduation. :) Mark."

EXT. UC SANTA BARBARA TENNIS COURTS - DAY

Mark and Keith barely stand on opposite ends of the tennis court, both painfully hung over. Mark serves the ball and it goes into the net. He grunts. Mark serves again and it goes in the service box. Keith watches it go by him without moving or swinging his racket.

KEITH

It's in. Point, set and match. You win.

MARK

That's the first point. We just started.

KEITH

I don't think I can swing the racket without puking. Remember when we were students here and we could drink all night and get up and play tennis early in the morning? Twenty-eight is too old for this.

MARK

You're twenty-nine.

KEITH

Damn!

Mark's cell phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket, tries to read it.

MARK

Luke can't make it. Something came up.

KEITH

If I play, something will come up for me too. I'm sure Erika had other plans for him.

MARK

I think she has something against tennis. Or Luke. Want to try and play?

KEITH

Not really.

MARK

Good. Me either.

Mark and Keith slowly walk over to their tennis bags on the side of the court and put their rackets and balls away.

MARK

I liked your idea last night.

KEITH

I was just kidding around.

MARK

I might do it.

KEITH

You? Your idea of a long relationship is five dates.

MARK

I had six once with...

(beat)

What was her name?

KEITH

I don't know. It hurts too much to think. I'm going back to our apartment where I will fall to sleep watching reality shows on the science fiction channel.

Mark and Keith leave the court dragging their feet and tennis bags.

MARK

I could do it, you know, get married for a short time.

KEITH

It's a dumb, drunken idea. Mark, be realistic. You couldn't even finish one year. Now point me to the bathroom or the nearest bush.

EXT. RICKY'S HOUSE - DAY

Mark, still in his tennis clothes and dragging his tennis bag, walks up to the front door of an expensive home. He knocks. EILEEN, an attractive woman in her forties who looks like she has been through a lot of grief in her life, answers the door. She just woke up. Mark and Eileen are barely cordial to each other.

MARK

Hi Irene, is my dad here?

EILEEN

You know my name is Eileen, why do you keep doing this?

MARK

It's just that your name is so similar to Dad's fourth wife. Irene, Eileen. See?

EILEEN

That was two wives ago. Come in, I'll wake him up.

INT. RICKY'S HOUSE - DAY

Eileen walks off as Mark enters and looks at the old grandfather clock that says 1:00. He shakes his head. RICKY walks in, tying his silk robe, just out of bed. Ricky is in his late fifties but dresses and acts like he is his son's age. A walking mid-life crisis.

RICKY

Marky Mark, what are you doing here so early? Can I get you some coffee, a latte, a Bloody Mary? All of the above?

Ricky laughs at his own joke.

MARK

Just water, thanks Dad.

RICKY

Stop calling me "Dad". I'm not your father figure kind of guy anymore; I'm one of your buds.

(British accent)

I say old bean, shall we sit in the garden and sip our nectar like British gentlemen at tea time?

MARK

Jolly good.

EXT. RICKY'S HOUSE, BACKYARD GARDEN - DAY

Mark and Ricky sit on expensive patio furniture. Mark drinks a big glass of water. Ricky has a glass of orange juice, bottle of water, and cup of coffee all evenly lined up on a table. He takes turns drinking from each one.

RICKY

So I said "my fee is ten percent of your gross annual income or whatever it costs to re-landscape my backyard, take your pick."

MARK

The yard looks nice but I liked the other design too. And the one before that. And the on--

RICKY

Okay, point noted. So what's up? We usually have dinner on Sundays, not breakfast.

MARK

Actually, it's lunch time.

Ricky looks around at the sky and sun.

RICKY

Looks like you're right. When did that happen? No matter, what's the buzz? Tell me what's a happening?

Mark looks around to make sure Eileen is not around.

MARK

You don't talk about Mom much. You two were happy right?

RICKY

Of course. But like everything there were good and bad times.

MARK

Do you think if she had lived you'd still be married?

RICKY

Okay, what's this all about? You're too young for the "what the hell just happened and how did I get here" phase of life.

MARK

I'm thinking of getting married.

Ricky jumps up in excitement.

RICKY

This is great! Who is she? Not that it matters since I never meet any of your gals.

(calls out)

Hey Lady E, my son's getting married! Get the champagne.

MARK

Actually, I don't know who it is.

RICKY

(calls out)

Eileen! Put the champagne back.

MARK

Remember my friend Keith?

RICKY

Your old college roommate? You're marrying Keith? I mean, that's cool. Whatever floats your boat.

MARK

It's not that. He just got a divorce--

RICKY

(calls out)

Wife o' mine! Get the champagne!

(to Mark)

Good for Keith!

MARK

And he feels that everyone should get married twice so they can get all their mistakes out of the way the first time which will lead to a happy marriage the second time around. I'm thinking of doing that.

RICKY

(calls out)

Eileen, bring a case!

(turns to Mark)

You want to play house?

MARK

No, it would be an actual marriage. I wanted to bounce the idea off of you since you know so much about marriage. Or should I say "marriages."

RICKY

Actually, after six marriages I know more about what makes a marriage fail than what makes it succeed. I can give you a long list of the mistakes my wives have made.

MARK

What do you think of the idea? Maybe just for one year.

RICKY

What the hell. That theory's as good as any. When your mom died, everything changed. I found out that tomorrow isn't a guarantee. No matter how much you plan. So I live each day as though it may be my last. Go for it!

Ricky claps and the sprinklers go on.

RICKY

I keep forgetting I now have clap-on sprinklers. Whenever you find your future ex-wife, bring her by my office and we'll draw up some legal papers.

MARK

Thanks. I just want to make sure when I get married for real that I have a happy union like you and Mom had.

Behind Mark, Eileen holds two opened bottles of champagne. After hearing Mark's comment, she pours the champagne over both of them and storms out.

RICKY

If it works, I may try it.